But inspired by Tyson at 4C: http://fourc.ca/cool/#comment-36604 as he posts some cool and uncool happenings from his own class, and then reflects that he didn't feel very compassionate, I realized that this was the problem in my own class, and I am worried that my compassion is running out!
Here's the story:
I have a new student who has some obvious hm.... "issues". I don't know what they are. I'm not a doctor. There are physical signals that he has some kind of medical history. And there are behavioural signals that he has had social and developmental issues. Forgive me for not even knowing what language to use to describe this fellow. I've never had a student like him. I have no idea what I'm dealing with.
I do believe that all students have a right to learn, and that all students CAN learn SOMETHING, and that all students deserve kindness and compassion and multiple chances to 'get it right'.
I sought advice from my director. I admitted that I have no knowledge or training to deal with such a student, and that aside from 'kindness' I don't know what else I can offer him. I won't repeat her response here.
Today, I found my patience wearing thin.
All of the little quirks that I've been 'letting go' have finally gotten to me. Today when I asked the students to find their weekly spelling package in preparation for the weekly spelling test, the student asked me, with a completely bewildered look on his face, and arms extended in a helpless gesture "Teacher! Where is my spelling package?". My snappy response, "Are you asking ME? It's YOUR book! I don't know where YOU put YOUR spelling package!" immediately made me feel cruel and fairly disgusted with myself...and then I felt even worse when the student beside this fellow kindly reached over and started flipping through his binder, trying to find it for him.
OK, I don't want to sit here and beat myself up over this. I'm simply at a loss, and with no support, I guess it was inevitable that I would eventually snap. But as I stood there watching while the spelling package was retrieved from the lower depths, I couldn't help but wonder in the back of my mind: As a teacher with a job to do, and a whole class of students to manage, are there limits to how much compassion and understanding we can extend to an individual? I know right now that this student isn't going to pass this course. At what point do we say "I don't think you have the aptitude for this"? Or "Maybe this isn't the course for you"? Or "I'm sorry, I simply can't help you anymore"?
Ugly thoughts. And a central conflict here. As a human being, I believe that it's my duty to help a person with every fibre of my being, until the very end. That's how I was raised...can't get it out of my system. But as a teacher in a high-demand course, I realize that no amount of my help is going to be enough, and so I will have to let it go. I can't work a miracle in 8 weeks, and so ultimately, I think kindness will be the ONLY thing I can offer this student. If I cannot do anything to get him through this class, compassion is all I have left.
I think we all go through this. We expect after modeling behaviour, practising language and stating expectations that our students will follow suit. When they don't, especially at university level, it gets incredibly frustrating and very hard not to 'snap' in some fashion. Sometimes I just wanted to wring my students' necks who seemed not to care. It was beyond me that they wouldn't do what I asked or put in the work they needed to to pass this high-stakes program.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Don't beat yourself up. We are human and sometimes can only be so patient. We are not Mother Theresa, despite that expectation being put on teachers. It's where you go from here with this student that counts.